Fortune Bags Pizza

It's Lunar New Year in Singapore. Pizza Hut wanted on the New Year bandwagon, so they came up with one of the most bizarre and unappetizing pizzas I've ever seen. It's called the Fortune Bags Pizza, which isn't a particularly appetizing name either (mmm...bags). It sounds like quite the hodgepodge of flavors. According to the Pizza Hut website, in addition to the "money bags" the pizza is topped with "oriental sauce, diced BBQ chicken, sliced mushrooms, pineapple chunks, and capped with a sprinkling of chicken floss." Of course. Can't have pineapple chunks with a sprinkling of chicken floss. And what is IN those money bags?! They're so gross and mysterious.

It just looks so chewy
Image from http://www.pizzahut.com.sg/

Some Seaweed with those Fries?

McDonald's works a little differently in Singapore. For instance, you can order your Happy Meal online, and 10 minutes later some guy with a McD's backpack will show up on a motorbike, delivering it straight to you. And if you think the regular American version of Mickey D's fries is just a little bland, no fear. Singapore McDonald's has you covered with seaweed shaker fries!

Because seaweed is just what you expect to get at McDonald's

There are some weird things about these fries. First, the fact that they exist at all. Second, the fact that when you order them you expect to get some fries covered in green flakes, but you don't. You get regular fries, a paper bag, and a packet of dried seaweed. You're supposed to dump the fries and the seasoning into the bag and then shake it up. When you open it, voila! Seaweed fries. I tried them. Rather predictably, I thought they tasted weird. I mean really, eating McDonald's fries are all about doing something absurdly, artery-cloggingly bad for you. Why bring a healthy thing like seaweed into this?

A Crappy Cup of Coffee

If you're ever in Vietnam and someone tries to sell you a high-end bag of coffee, you might want to investigate a little more before you slap down your dong (dong is the currency in Vietnam- get your mind out of the gutter!). You see, there's a type of coffee in these places called "weasel coffee" (also known as kopi luwak or civet coffee). When we were in Vietnam, we had a chance to talk to a weasel coffee farmer, and the conversation went a little like this:

Me: So how is weasel coffee different from regular coffee? Where do the weasels come in?
Weasel Coffee Guy: Well, first you grow the coffee berries. Good, quality berries. Very flavorful. Then you feed the berries to the weasels. They enjoy the berries. Then you gather the beans.
Me: Wait...what? What do you mean you gather the beans? I thought you fed them to the weasels?
Weasel Coffee Guy: Yes, you gather them after they...uh...well, after they come out of the weasels.
Me: ....Like in their poop?
Weasel Coffee Guy: Yes. The beans are very rich then, after the weasels have had them. The weasels, when they digest them, it makes the beans full of rich taste. It makes excellent coffee, especially if you add a spoonful of fish oil to the coffee.

Makes coffee a little differently than your Starbucks barista.
Image from http://www.cryptomundo.com

Beans in their...er...unrefined form
Image from http://www.teacoffee.tk/

So there you have it. One very crappy cup of coffee. And as if the poop coffee weren't stomach-turning enough, he recommends serving it up with a spoonful of fish oil! Mmmm mmmm. If weasel coffee sounds like your thing, be prepared to dish out some cash. Apparently it's some costly stuff- among the most expensive coffees in the world! Much of the kopi luwak in Vietnam comes from wild civets and costs literally thousands of dollars a pound. Stuff from captive civets, which is available in several southeast Asian countries, is in the hundreds per pound. And weasel coffee farmers warn you NOT TO BE FOOLED BY IMITATIONS. After all, you wouldn't want to be thinking that you were drinking a cup of coffee that had passed through civet intestines when it really just grew on a tree. No, we wouldn't want that at all.

Is this Appetizing to You?

OK, so I know I'm a little biased due to the fact that I'm vegetarian. But even so, I just don't understand how people can find Peking duck appetizing. It's AN ENTIRE ANIMAL, cooked with its head and BEAK still attached. I don't get it. It freaks me out.

Am I the only one eked out by this?

It appears that some people also find the whole dead-animal-with-its-head still-attached thing disturbing as well, because some grocery stores in Singapore sell heads and bodies separately, which leads to this macabre sight:

There go all my happy memories of feeding the ducks at the park...

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised by the appetite for duck heads. After all, this is a country where the fish eyeball is a coveted delicacy!

Asia's Fungus Fixation

I guess I just don't get the fungus thing. I mean, I understand that mushrooms are fungus, and those taste good, but white fungus bird's nest drink? Almond cream with snow fungus? These are things I don't understand. Fungus as dessert. Fungus as beverage. It seems that here in Asia, there's just no escaping the fungi.

Refreshing white fungus

Spiky Fruit

I think rambutan look unappetizing for a few reasons. First of all, they're covered in spiky hairs that look like they might be sharp (they're not). Like this:

Image from http://www.djunadesign.com/dreamweaver_b/week4/hw4.html

And second of all, they're attached to pretty regular old tree branches. Like this:

 Third, once you get them open, they have a texture not unlike that of an eyeball. In fact, they kind of look like eyeballs. Like this:

But if you can get past the spiky eyeball appearance, they're actually quite tasty!

Can't Resist those Funky KitKats

Remember all those weird Kit Kats I've mentioned in previous posts? Well, we finally got a chance to try some. The wasabi Kit Kat was OK, although it didn't taste very wasabi-like. I liked the green tea Kit Kat better. It had a definite green tea aftertaste. Both the wasabi flavor and the green tea flavor tasted more like white chocolate than green chocolate, and both were extra exciting since the actual candy bars were green, although the green tea one was much brighter. Awesome!

Packaging = much more fancy than a regular Kit Kat

GREEN!

Who knew wasabi and chocolate was such a great pair?!

In the seen-but-not-tasted category, we have some fascinating exhibits. Cheese Kit Kat, anyone? I mean, cheese and chocolate are both decadent delicacies, but who ever thought of mixing them up into one? And I really hope the candy bars are as yellow as the ones illustrated on the box!

How about strawberry cake Kit Kats?

What will Nestle think of next?!

The Fascinating Feet of Chicken

So, I am of the opinion that chicken feet are pretty freaking gross. I mean, if you put the foot of anything (a cow hoof? some monkey toes? a cat's paw?) on my plate, I think I would turn up my nose pretty fast. And chicken feet don't even look edible - they're so bony and tendon-y and weird. But millions of Chinese people feel differently. In China, Singapore, and other places, chicken feet are an in-demand delicacy. In fact, they're such a revered dish that they're referred to as "phoenix talons" in China. In the U.S., chicken feet are not common fare, so many chicken feet are exported to China, where they can fetch a decent price. According to this Time story, chicken feet (er...I mean phoenix talons) play a significant role in U.S.-Chinese trade relations.

I'm suspicious of food that looks like it could fight back.

I think I'll stick to my vegetarian diet...

Scrumptious Acid

Hungry? How about some lactic acid mix jelly?

Mmmmm...all your acid needs, in a convenient little to-go container!

P.S. I don't even know how to tag this. What IS it? Is it actually jelly? Do you put it on bread? Is it candy? Dessert? A snack? Something to make you feel better if you're lactose intolerant? I'm so lost.

Unusual Oreos

These aren't as off-the-wall as black glutinous cream or seaweed Pringles, but since Oreos are a childhood favorite of mine, I thought I'd share. In the U.S., there are a several kinds of Oreos: regular, the annoyingly misspelled Double Stuf, Peanut Butter, Mint, ones with orange filling for Halloween, and the kind that have vanilla cookies instead of chocolate (why you'd ever substitute vanilla for chocolate is beyond me, but to each his own). Well, here are a couple more I never saw in America:

Blueberry ice cream Oreos

I think these are strawberry Oreo sticks of some sort, but since everything's in Japanese, I'm not 100% sure.

The chunks are a little disconcerting.

Would You Like Some Fungus with those Balls?

There are so many things I love about this menu board, so I'm just going to list them for you:

      1) The unappetizing white gooey balls plopped unceremoniously into the swampy black goo.

      2) "Snow Fungus" What, pray tell, is snow fungus? Mold that grows on snow? And why would you want to eat it?!

      3) "Black Glutinous Cream" Here in Singapore, the word glutinous is frequently used in apparent efforts to make things sound appetizing. I don't know about you, but it has the opposite effect for me. Take anything that would otherwise sound tasty, slap the adjective glutinous in front of it, and it instantly sounds unappealing. Chickpea curry? Mmmmm. Glutinous chickpea curry? Not so much. Chocolate cake? YES PLEASE! Glutinous chocolate cake? No thanks. I just ate.

      4) As if black glutinous cream wasn't enough to handle all on its own, it's served up with yam. Black glutinous cream and yams makes me think of something that might come out of the kitchen sink drain after a clog.

      5) The fact that the heading "Sweet Treasures" is used to describe all of these oddities. I can think of many things to call them, but Sweet Treasures does not factor in.

If you are inclined to savor any of these sweet treasures, make your way to Singapore, to the basement of The Central in Clarke Quay, and bask in all the glutinous glory you can handle.

Kickapoo!

Well, friends, you have every right to wonder what on earth is in Kickapoo Joy Juice.  With a name like that, anything could be in there…well, almost anything.  I’m betting the farm that there isn’t any actual juice in there.  Not the kind of juice I’m familiar with, anyway (some sleuthing revealed that the only “juice” is concentrated grapefruit juice, pretty low on the ingredient list, and right before brominated vegetable oil.  Mmmmm). 

You have to love a drink company bold enough to put "poo" in a beverage name

There are a number of intriguing things about this beverage.  One is, obviously, the name, which calls to mind some sort of cocaine-laced beverage that will have you glued to the ceiling for hours on end.  Another is the fact that the front of the can proudly proclaims that this is the “Original USA Joy Juice Recipe,” which I found particularly interesting, considering I’d never seen the neon green can until I moved to Singapore.  But a little Internet research revealed that the company that originally produced the beverage was indeed founded in Atlanta, so I guess they’re not just telling me joyous, juicy lies.  Apparently the name (and the art on the can) comes from the comic strip Lil’ Abner. 

The drink inside the can is nowhere near as bizarre as the can itself (KJJ tastes a lot like Mountain Dew), but with a name like that, the beverage definitely earns a spot in the weird beverage hall of fame.  Right next to Pocari Sweat.

After you're done with that 'poo, how about some sweat?

More Pringles!

Remember those funky Pringles I posted a few months ago?   The flavors were soft-shell crab, seaweed, and grilled shrimp.  They boggle those of us more accustomed to the flavors of the Western world: barbeque, sea salt & vinegar, cool ranch, things like that.  Well, Pringles must be working hard on expanding their Asian market because they recently released a new line of "Street Food" flavors.  Pictured here is Bangkok grilled chicken wing.  I've also seen Indonesian satay, but haven't gotten a photo yet.  The best thing about Bangkok grilled chicken wing Pringles?  Through some mystery of food science...they're vegetarian!  The second best thing is definitely that the Pringle on the front of the can is wearing a cute little hat!  I'm keeping my eyes peeled for more Street Food flavors.  Maybe there will be one from Singapore!  Fish head curry Pringles! Kaya toast Pringles! Kopi Pringles!  The possibilities are endless.

7 Cheese Pizza SOUNDS Normal....right?

Not this one.  Pizza Hut in SE Asia is a bit notorious for concocting some seriously unusual stuff, and their latest creation is no exception.  The Cheesy 7 pizza seems fine when you hear about it- seven different kinds of cheese?!?!  You can't go wrong with that!  But apparently you can.  Take a look.  WHAT ARE THOSE GIANT PING PONG BALLS, you ask?  Oh, they're cream cheese, of course.  Because cream cheese is a perfectly natural thing to include on a cheese pizza.  It's like they decided to make a 7 cheese pizza, but as the brainstorming committee sat around rattling off types of cheese, they could only get to six.  Then someone shouted CREAM CHEESE and it was decided.

At least they didn't say cottage cheese.

Coffee Jelly?

At Starbucks in southeast Asia, you can get your iced coffee with a blob of coffee-flavored jelly in the bottom.  Yup, you just slurp up the goop through your straw right along with your coffee.  Doesn't it look appetizing?

Like peanut butter and jelly...except gross and slurpable.

KitKat Surprise

Not all KitKats are created equally.  In some places, especially Japan, you don't just go to the store and grab a regular old KitKat.  No, you're faced with the serious decision of deciding which flavor you want.  You could have pumpkin, soy sauce, grilled corn, green tea, strawberry, and more.  Recently I found ginger ale and cherry blossom.

Now if only they would make some KitKat-flavored ginger ale

Yummy, flowers and chocolate

For more funky KitKat flavors, check out Japan's Strangest KitKat Flavors.

What's that SMELL?!

It's the durian, of course.  Having never heard of durian before moving to SE Asia, I was surprised to see it everywhere when I got here.  I was even more surprised to smell it everywhere.  It reeks.  It stinks of overly sweetness, like rot.  I think it has the aroma of a dead animal covered in birthday cake icing.  I mean, it's bad.  Naturally, I concluded that I must try it!

Spiky funky fruit
photo from www.timwu.org

We obtained some from a grocery store within walking distance- in Singapore, the stuff's been banned from public transport because of its stench.

Did it taste good?  You be the judge.


The real question is, would you rather eat one or be beaned in the head with one? As for me, I'd sooner take a blow to the head than another bite!

Bird's Nest Drink

Every bit as strange it sounds, the White Fungus Bird's Nest Drink is, in fact, made from bird's nests.  We found it in a minibar in a hotel in Vietnam, and I didn't believe what I saw until I checked the ingredient list and found that the first one was indeed "bird nests."  I suspect that the drink is made of the same thing as the delicacy bird's nest soup, which is cooked up from swiftlet nests.  But it gets weirder.  Swiftlets build their nests with their own saliva, which hardens in the open air. Mmmm...bird spit.

Thirsty?

Not the Same in Singapore

When we tell people we have Pizza Hut in Singapore, they're always surprised to hear it.  What they don't realize is that the Pizza Huts in Asia aren't serving up the traditional pepperoni and cheese pies to which we Americans have grown so accustomed.  No, they have selections like this, which were advertised on their website:

A crustacean...from Pizza Hut?

Like onion rings, but grosser

It has it all!  Loads of seafood AND pineapple, all on a PIZZA!

Seriously guys, ease up on the pineapple.

So maybe now you understand how we can show up in the U.S., craving a tasty slice of Papa John's?

Salmon Sticks

I have nothing against tasty fish.  And I definitely have no qualms about delicious pasta.  But when you put the two together, jam them into a stick with some cream sauce, and then deep-fry the concoction...well, then I start to have my doubts.  Not KFC!  They think it's a great idea, and that's why they're serving up salmon sticks in some of their restaurants in Thailand. 

"We go to great lengths to please you!"  You sure do...but I'm not pleased.

Would you eat it?