A Crappy Cup of Coffee

If you're ever in Vietnam and someone tries to sell you a high-end bag of coffee, you might want to investigate a little more before you slap down your dong (dong is the currency in Vietnam- get your mind out of the gutter!). You see, there's a type of coffee in these places called "weasel coffee" (also known as kopi luwak or civet coffee). When we were in Vietnam, we had a chance to talk to a weasel coffee farmer, and the conversation went a little like this:

Me: So how is weasel coffee different from regular coffee? Where do the weasels come in?
Weasel Coffee Guy: Well, first you grow the coffee berries. Good, quality berries. Very flavorful. Then you feed the berries to the weasels. They enjoy the berries. Then you gather the beans.
Me: Wait...what? What do you mean you gather the beans? I thought you fed them to the weasels?
Weasel Coffee Guy: Yes, you gather them after they...uh...well, after they come out of the weasels.
Me: ....Like in their poop?
Weasel Coffee Guy: Yes. The beans are very rich then, after the weasels have had them. The weasels, when they digest them, it makes the beans full of rich taste. It makes excellent coffee, especially if you add a spoonful of fish oil to the coffee.

Makes coffee a little differently than your Starbucks barista.
Image from http://www.cryptomundo.com

Beans in their...er...unrefined form
Image from http://www.teacoffee.tk/

So there you have it. One very crappy cup of coffee. And as if the poop coffee weren't stomach-turning enough, he recommends serving it up with a spoonful of fish oil! Mmmm mmmm. If weasel coffee sounds like your thing, be prepared to dish out some cash. Apparently it's some costly stuff- among the most expensive coffees in the world! Much of the kopi luwak in Vietnam comes from wild civets and costs literally thousands of dollars a pound. Stuff from captive civets, which is available in several southeast Asian countries, is in the hundreds per pound. And weasel coffee farmers warn you NOT TO BE FOOLED BY IMITATIONS. After all, you wouldn't want to be thinking that you were drinking a cup of coffee that had passed through civet intestines when it really just grew on a tree. No, we wouldn't want that at all.

Asia's Fungus Fixation

I guess I just don't get the fungus thing. I mean, I understand that mushrooms are fungus, and those taste good, but white fungus bird's nest drink? Almond cream with snow fungus? These are things I don't understand. Fungus as dessert. Fungus as beverage. It seems that here in Asia, there's just no escaping the fungi.

Refreshing white fungus

Kickapoo!

Well, friends, you have every right to wonder what on earth is in Kickapoo Joy Juice.  With a name like that, anything could be in there…well, almost anything.  I’m betting the farm that there isn’t any actual juice in there.  Not the kind of juice I’m familiar with, anyway (some sleuthing revealed that the only “juice” is concentrated grapefruit juice, pretty low on the ingredient list, and right before brominated vegetable oil.  Mmmmm). 

You have to love a drink company bold enough to put "poo" in a beverage name

There are a number of intriguing things about this beverage.  One is, obviously, the name, which calls to mind some sort of cocaine-laced beverage that will have you glued to the ceiling for hours on end.  Another is the fact that the front of the can proudly proclaims that this is the “Original USA Joy Juice Recipe,” which I found particularly interesting, considering I’d never seen the neon green can until I moved to Singapore.  But a little Internet research revealed that the company that originally produced the beverage was indeed founded in Atlanta, so I guess they’re not just telling me joyous, juicy lies.  Apparently the name (and the art on the can) comes from the comic strip Lil’ Abner. 

The drink inside the can is nowhere near as bizarre as the can itself (KJJ tastes a lot like Mountain Dew), but with a name like that, the beverage definitely earns a spot in the weird beverage hall of fame.  Right next to Pocari Sweat.

After you're done with that 'poo, how about some sweat?

Coffee Jelly?

At Starbucks in southeast Asia, you can get your iced coffee with a blob of coffee-flavored jelly in the bottom.  Yup, you just slurp up the goop through your straw right along with your coffee.  Doesn't it look appetizing?

Like peanut butter and jelly...except gross and slurpable.

Bird's Nest Drink

Every bit as strange it sounds, the White Fungus Bird's Nest Drink is, in fact, made from bird's nests.  We found it in a minibar in a hotel in Vietnam, and I didn't believe what I saw until I checked the ingredient list and found that the first one was indeed "bird nests."  I suspect that the drink is made of the same thing as the delicacy bird's nest soup, which is cooked up from swiftlet nests.  But it gets weirder.  Swiftlets build their nests with their own saliva, which hardens in the open air. Mmmm...bird spit.

Thirsty?